第 011 Ch.| Another Me

Lan Yingchen woke on his own at 06:30.

The eight rings on the beam sat at the same angle in the morning light, their gaps falling between the three- and four-o'clock marks. He looked at them for perhaps ten seconds.

Last night, lying on this bed, he had stared at those eight rings and thought for a long while. Nahid had handed him off to Devraj — and this morning he meant to go and ask the Acharya what two rings meant. But before that, he tried to work it out himself. Could a ring be a kind of entry? If one ring was a single entry, then two overlapping — was that two at once? And the eight — was that eight?

But he did not know. Nahid would not explain it. Devraj had not yet explained it. Every possible answer, for now, was only his own private guessing.

At his desk Ge Zhiheng went on copying his family script. Lan glanced at the characters Ge was writing — denser than the past two days, as though Ge were turning something over in his mind. But Lan did not ask.

He sat at the foot of the bed, closed his eyes, and began the Void.

---

The third time. The first two he had merely received — listened to the voice, watched the rings appear. Today he wanted to try something else.

First minute — that drum in his heartbeat was still there.

Second minute — the two rings began to appear. Earlier than yesterday. He realized his progress within the Void had something to do with how often he practiced.

Third minute — the voice came. Calling his name. This time he did not only listen; he tried to draw nearer.

He wanted to know its timbre. He wanted to know whose it was.

The result — the voice came no closer.

Instead, he himself was pushed back. As if he had reached for something inside a glass case and the glass pushed against him. He was shoved back to where he had started, the voice still at its original distance, as if behind a layer of water.

As if telling him: do not come near. It is not yet time.

Fourth minute — the rings remained, but he had already been distracted. Trying to approach the voice had drained his Void.

Fifth minute — the two rings overlapped, but he was not aligned into the center. This time he was stuck outside, like standing before some threshold — able to see what lay within the door, yet unable to enter.

Ge Zhiheng stirred at his desk, and Lan was pulled back.

"...Five minutes." Ge said.

"...Five minutes." Lan said too.

"How was it?"

"...I tried to approach the voice. I was pushed back."

Ge paused a second. "...Tell the Acharya."

---

08:00. The lesson.

The five of them sat back down. Devraj entered, pressed his palms together, and bowed his head.

"All five of you. Report in turn."

Aaliya first.

"...Today, within the Void, the second shadow stepped out of the mirror." she said. "She is standing before me now."

"...What is she doing?" Devraj asked.

"Looking at me." Aaliya said. "But her eyes — they are not my eyes."

Devraj nodded. "Thank you."

Nahid next. Her Chinese was a little better today than yesterday.

"...The sand told me — wait. I asked why wait. The sand said — wait for him."

She glanced once at Lan, then drew her eyes back.

"Thank you." Devraj said.

Amara next.

"...The drumming changed. Today it is — three beats, then a one-second pause."

"Three beats?" Devraj asked.

Amara nodded. "The ancestors are speeding up."

"...Why?"

"They are waiting for something to arrive."

"Thank you."

Aarav.

"...My grandmother says — he is looking for me."

"...He?" Devraj asked.

"She did not say who. But — my grandmother says — it is one of us."

Lan noted it silently — "he is looking for me," "one of us." Besides Aarav himself, the only one left who could answer to "he" was Lan.

Devraj nodded. "Thank you."

Last — Lan.

"...The two rings are still there. Today I tried to approach the voice. I was pushed back."

Devraj did not react at once. He looked at Lan for perhaps three seconds.

"...Lan." he said. "Do not approach. Listen first."

"..."

"Listen again tomorrow."

Lan nodded.

To all five, Devraj said: "Today's task. After the Void — write to one another. Each of you, write to the other four what you thought of today. Give it to them."

All five lifted their heads slightly. Aaliya drew a small breath.

"...Class dismissed."

Palms together, heads bowed.

---

The five rose, ready to leave.

Ge glanced at Lan, nodded, then turned and walked out first — leaving room. The other upperclassmen left too. Aarav and Nahid did not leave the room outright but stopped just outside the doorway, as if waiting. Aaliya had already gone.

Lan did not rise.

Devraj had begun gathering the papers from the stone table.

Lan walked over.

"...Acharya." he said. "May I ask a question?"

Devraj did not look up; he went on gathering the papers.

"...Nahid handed you off to me." he said.

"...Yes."

"...The two rings?"

Lan nodded.

Devraj set the papers in order and turned. He did not return to the stone table in the center — instead he walked to Lan's desk and sat on the cushion beside him.

---

"...What is a ring?" Devraj asked.

Lan thought a moment.

"...A place of entry?"

Devraj nodded slightly. "Entry."

"Entry to where?"

"...I don't know."

"You need not know." Devraj said. "First learn the entering itself."

Lan did not press further. He waited for Devraj to go on of his own accord.

Devraj thought a moment. Then he said:

"...One ring — is a single entry."

"Two rings — two entries."

"But two rings overlapping — is not 'entering once more.'"

"..."

"Two rings overlapping — means being at two entry points at once."

Lan was startled.

"...What does that mean?"

Devraj thought, as if picking his words.

"...You — in two places, at the same time. Or — you, called by two places at the same time."

Lan did not answer at once.

He turned the words over in his mind. "In two places at once" — matched the two shadows inside the ring in Nahid's dream three years ago. "Called by two places at once" — matched the voice Lan himself heard within the Void.

---

"...Acharya." Lan asked. "That voice in my dream — is it me?"

Devraj looked at Lan for perhaps five seconds.

"...Perhaps." he said.

"...Perhaps not."

Lan did not answer at once.

Devraj did not speak at once either. He watched Lan, as if choosing the wording of his next line.

Devraj folded his hands on his knees.

"...Do you remember Nahid's dream, three years ago?"

Lan nodded.

"In the dream — the boy spoke his own name." Devraj said.

"...Yes."

"Nahid set down the sound of it. Three years later Aarav read it aloud — it was 'Lan Yingchen.'"

"...Yes."

Devraj thought a moment.

"...If the boy in the dream three years ago — was not the you who is here now."

"..."

"And yet was also 'Lan Yingchen.'"

"..."

Devraj watched Lan and went on in a gentler tone:

"'At two entry points at once' — means perhaps the voice that calls you —"

He paused half a second.

"The voice that calls you — is another you."

---

Lan did not move.

He thought of the boy in Nahid's dream three years ago. The boy had turned to look at Nahid, opened his mouth, and spoken his own name. Nahid had set the sound down in Arabic; three years later Aarav read it aloud, and it became Lan's own name.

If the boy in Nahid's dream was "another Lan Yingchen" — then the "Lan Yingchen" the boy spoke was his own name. But what Lan had heard was "someone is calling me."

"...Another me?" Lan asked.

"Do not interpret it." Devraj said. "Listen first."

"..."

"In Nahid's family records —" Devraj said, "— there may be other 'another yous' as well."

Lan's heart began to quicken.

Nahid had said last night that the family records held many "people dreamed of but never found." Most of these had been filed away as "a dream is only a dream." But by Devraj's account — those "people dreamed of but never found" might not be nonexistent — they might be "another Lan Yingchen" — or other "another selves," other people "being called."

Lan did not press further. But he thought of something larger — the eight rings on the beam.

"...Acharya." he said. "On the beam over my dormitory ceiling there are eight rings — all the same pattern as the back of my bronze mirror."

"...Eight." Devraj repeated.

"Yes."

Devraj thought a moment.

"...Eight rings —" he said. "— I need not explain them."

"..."

"You are already counting in your head." Devraj said. "I need not give you the answer — you will work it out yourself."

"...If one ring equals one entry point equals one 'another me.'" Lan said quietly, as if confirming. "Then eight rings —"

"Eight." Devraj did not finish it, only repeated the number.

Lan said no more.

Devraj could see he was counting.

"...Do not try to think it all through at once." Devraj said. "After the Void tomorrow, come again. I will be waiting for you."

He rose. Palms together, head bowed.

Lan returned the gesture.

Devraj walked out of the room.

---

Lan stayed where he was, sitting for perhaps a minute before he stood.

As he walked out of the room, Aarav and Nahid were still at the doorway.

Seeing Lan, Aarav pressed one palm in greeting and asked nothing. Nahid bowed her head slightly as well.

The two of them walked out of the Main Court with Lan. No one spoke.

Lan knew — they were waiting until he could speak.

But he could not, not yet.

As they reached the exit of the Main Court, Aaliya came over from one side. She must have been watching all of this from some corridor.

Aaliya did not question Lan, only looked at him for a second, then gave Nahid and Aarav a slight nod, as if confirming some shared understanding.

Aaliya spoke, using his full name: "Lan Yingchen."

"..."

"...On your paper today, when you write about me —" she said, "— do not write 'the shadow in the mirror.' Write something I can hold in my hand."

Lan was taken aback. "...Why?"

"The one in the mirror is not me." Aaliya said. "It's another me. And she will read what you write. I don't want her to see it."

Lan did not answer at once.

The words "another me" — Aaliya said them so naturally, as if her family had long been used to the idea.

Aaliya did not wait for his answer. She gave Aarav and Nahid each a small nod, then went off with her upperclassmen toward the Western College.

Aarav watched Aaliya walk into the distance and said, in level Chinese: "Her family — like mine — already knows about 'the other one.' Sooner than you."

Nahid nodded too, as if confirming.

Lan asked nothing more.

---

Back at the Eastern College. Ge Zhiheng was waiting for him in the courtyard.

Ge: "..."

Lan: "..."

Ge did not ask. He led Lan upstairs, back to the room.

Around 09:30.

Lan sat down at his own desk, took the bronze mirror from the bottom of the nightstand, and set it on the desk. The ring was still on the back, its gap between the three- and four-o'clock marks.

His grandmother had left him this bronze mirror three years ago — at almost exactly the same stretch of time Nahid dreamed of him.

If Devraj was not mistaken — then on the day his grandmother died, the one she held, the one she recognized, the one she left her last words to — was it the Lan Yingchen who was here now, or another?

Lan did not know.

---

He sat at the desk, looking at the bronze mirror, for about an hour. At another desk Ge Zhiheng went on copying his family script and did not disturb him.

At noon, Ge: "...Eat."

The two went down and ate lunch in the courtyard. Rice, greens, soup. Lan ate slowly. He said not a word. Ge said nothing either.

In the afternoon, Lan put the bronze mirror back in the bottom of the nightstand.

He spread open the paper notebook, meaning to start on the four papers for today — the new task Devraj had set.

But he could not write a word.

He kept thinking of Aaliya's line: "The one in the mirror is not me, it's another me. And she will read what you write." — if even Aaliya feared the "other Aaliya" seeing, then the papers he wrote to the other four — might they be seen by another Lan Yingchen too?

Lan set down the pen.

The light outside slid slowly across the desk. He sat without moving. By the time he looked up the light had pulled back to the corner of the wall, went orange for a while, and then the room darkened, and no one got up to light a lamp. He ate almost nothing at supper. Ge glanced at him and said nothing.

---

Back in the room.

Lan lay down on the bed and looked at the eight rings on the beam.

One ring equals one entry. So eight rings equal eight entries. But "the number of entry points" and "the number of another me" were not the same thing. Devraj had only said "two rings overlapping equals being at two entry points at once" and "the voice that calls you is perhaps another you."

Among those eight rings — how many Lan Yingchens were there? All eight, or fewer; maybe in the end there was only one, and that one need not be the him lying on this bed now.

Lan closed his eyes and remembered his grandmother's last words: Do not be afraid, but do not speak of it either.

He had always thought those words were meant for him alone. Now he was not sure.

He opened his eyes.

Eight rings — at the very least, he was not the only one.

---

Outside, Amara's drumming began. Three beats, a one-second pause. Three beats, a one-second pause.

Different from last night's "one beat, three-second pause" — the ancestors were speeding up; they were waiting for something to arrive.

Lan took out the paper notebook and turned to the new task Devraj had set today — four papers, to the other four people.

The first, to Aaliya:

The one in the mirror that "isn't you" is another you. I heard her, together with Amara's ancestral drum — three beats, a one-second pause. Same direction.

The second, to Nahid:

The boy in your dream three years ago may not be the me who is here now. He may be another me. If you dream again, please tell me what color he is wearing.

The third, to Aarav:

The "he" your grandmother spoke of may be more than one. On my side, the beam holds eight rings — eight directions.

The fourth, to Amara:

I can hear the direction of the drum from inside my room. Three beats, a one-second pause — aligned with the three sounds of my name.

The four written, Lan folded the papers and set them at the top-left corner of the desk.

Ge glanced at the desk, then went back to his family script.

Lan looked up at the beam; the eight rings were still there. From directly below — the centers of the eight rings strung exactly into a single line, pointing toward where his pillow lay.

The line was there.

【Ch. 011 End · Eastern College dormitory → Main Court classroom → Eastern College dormitory】